Mental health is just as important as physical health.
Something I often tell my followers is that anything that you do starts within your mind, and if your mind isn’t right then your body won’t follow.
If you have mental health issues it’s important that you try to find ways to get better.
I’ve had my share of mental health issues myself
Today I still have to wake up everyday and make the decision to get better because if I don’t it’ll be a slippery slope back down to the bottom.
I’m going to take you down my path to mental stability, and be very vulnerable and real.
I hope that my story can help you if you too are struggling with mental health issues.
For years I told myself that I didn’t face any traumatic experiences worth being depressed over.
I’d say “ nothing happened to me so I don’t know why I am so sad. I don’t know why I feel worthless.”
I wasn’t raped.
I wasn’t abused.
I wasn’t kidnapped.
To me those were the kinds of experiences that were valid enough to lead to depression.
I won’t go too much into detail about my childhood to preserve the privacy of my family, but I will say that my childhood wasn’t the best
I grew up in a poor family, with a bunch of bigger issues not related to finances.
If I told you you’d probably want to give me a never-ending hug.
My mom was young and she didn’t have the best guidance herself, so she could only do so much, and I understand that.
Looking back over my life now I realized that as a child I didn’t have an emotional connection to my mother.
I still don’t. at least not how I would like to
My father wasn’t in the picture for long, due to a few reasons, but that I won’t talk much about.
As a child I desperately needed love, and encouragement and guidance but due to the things that happened before I was even born, I didn’t get those things.
In spite of that I wasn’t a bad kid.
I was very shy at times and reserved, but I still got good grades and had great friends.
You wouldn’t have even guessed that there were underlying issues.
It wasn’t until high school when I started experiencing phases of depression.
I’d try to hide it by being goofy, but occasionally I’d have my moments because deep down I was screaming for help.
Practically begging for someone to notice, but no one ever did.
Back then, everyone just put it off as me being a teenager.
So that’s what it became for me too.
When I got to college it was a whole new world.
Initially I was happy.
I was enjoying the freedom and fun.
I met this guy freshman year who was everything to me and honestly I fell in love with him very quickly, even though we never actually made things “official”
A few months later things went bad, and we went our separate ways.
We ended up rekindling our “situationship” a few weeks later, but shortly after that I found out that he had a girlfriend.
That was the day my life changed.
That was the day where all the love, and support that I didn’t get when I was kid came back to greet me.
That was the first time I cut myself. That was when I first started considering suicide.
And on the outside looking in you may think that I did it because of him.
I know now that it actually had nothing to do with him and everything to do with how I felt about myself, due to the things I lacked growing up.
I was the gun and I was already loaded.. he just pulled the trigger.
At that time I started feeling like no one loved me. Like I didn’t deserve to be alive. Like I didn’t deserve any kind of love. I hated myself. I hated the way I looked. I hated my life.
I felt that way because no one ever loved me the way that I needed them to, and he reminded of that.
No one cared the way I needed them too.
No one sat by my bed when I was scared, or simply told me that I mattered or that I was beautiful.
That was what I needed growing up, and not getting that truly messed me up mentally.
Yes my mom was there physically, but emotionally I was a kid and I felt alone.
I continued cutting myself for a few months.
It wasn’t an everyday thing for me, though.
It mostly was when I was extremely overwhelmed with feelings of unworthiness, or feeling like nobody loved or cared about me.
I stopped for about a year and because of that I thought that I was okay, and that it was just another phase and me “being a teenager”
then junior year came and I did it again.
This was when my emotional eating began and when I started gaining weight. That only made things even worse for me because I began body shaming myself on top of every thing else..
It became clear to me around this time that I had a problem, and I needed help, but I was still too afraid to ask for help at that time
I didn’t want to tell anyone because I figured all they would say is that it would be okay, or judge me because they thought that I had no reason to be depressed and suicidal since nothing had happened to me.
so I wrote this song instead of talking to someone..
Then, I didn’t actually connect my childhood to those feelings, and I didn’t make that connection until sometime in 2019.
Steps Towards Recovery
After realizing how much my childhood actually affected my mental health I knew that I couldn’t keep allowing it to otherwise I wouldn’t live much longer.
I was also tired of being unhappy.
I wanted to live life, and be happy and free.
The first step I made towards recovery was acknowledging my past, and accepting it for what it was.
It happened, and I can’t change it.
I then had to REALLY decide that I wanted to live, and that I wanted to get better.
In my most recent relationship so much of my pain caused me to be toxic, and I knew that I didn’t want to cause the same pain that I felt my whole life on someone else, so after that ended I told myself that I had to try to get better.
I wanted to get better.
Lastly, I came with actionable things that I could do that would actually help me.
For example, going to therapy, reciting positive affirmations, and working out.
In 2019 I started my fitness journey and my mentality and body has changed so much since.
I have plans to attend therapy this year, and I also recently started saying positive affirmations to myself, and it’s helped some.
Today I am a different person.
I still struggle but I am in a much better place, and i am much more mentally stable than I was.
I still feel the effects of my past every day and I fight so hard to move forward and become a better woman.
I spend most of my time now trying to motivate others to physically get healthy because I have seen firsthand how it can help with mental health too.
After starting my fitness journey I changed so much physically and mentally, and honestly I don’t think I would be here today if I hadn’t
This is apart of the reason why I started my blog evolvewitheish.com
I want to promote all forms of health, and fitness, and wellness, and bring awareness to the issues that people commonly face including lack of motivation, depression etc.
I am not where I want to be mentally, but I know how I am going to get there.
I have a plan.
it is not in my plan to allow the past to control me anymore, and I surely will not allow it to take my life.
If you are someone who is struggling with mental health, please seek help. Reach out to me if you have no one else. I will understand, and I will hear you.
National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255